You Worry Too Much

Lately, I must confess that I have been worrying a lot.  I own my own business, but things have been slow and the money coming in has not been nearly sufficient to meet the outgoing need. I have plans I've made that may fall through, leaving people who are counting on me disappointed. My son was sick and we couldn't afford to take him to a doctor.  Yes, there has been plenty of things going wrong in the Miller house and I have been adding grey hairs to my head over each one of those things.

Today, I was once again worrying with knots in my stomach when I stopped and realized that the real reason for my worry is my attachment to things of this world.  I worry because I am afraid of losing those things. I am afraid of disappointing others and losing their esteem, so I worry that things won't go well with my plans. I am afraid of being homeless and losing my possessions, so I worry when the money doesn't come in and the business dries up. I am afraid of losing those I love, so I worry about their health.   Worry has its roots in fear, and fear is a sign that we have not really surrendered our lives over to God.  We are still trying to be in the driver's seat. We are still not content to allow things to go according to His plans.

I realized, too, that examining my worries allows me to detect vices that have gotten a grip on me and need to be fought.  For example, in discovering that I fear the loss of the esteem of others, I know that I am in the grip of pride and must strive for greater humility.  In discovering that I fear the loss of my possessions I can see that I am in the grip of avarice and must strive to combat this by being more generous.  In discovering that I fear the loss of my son's life, I can see that I have lost focus on the real purpose of being a parent: getting my son to heaven. In all of these things, I can thank God for where I am and the instruction that He is giving me.

It's funny when I stop and think about it, because I pray almost daily for God's help in detaching myself from the things of this world so that I might focus my attentions better on serving Him. Yet when God begins to remove things of this world from my life, I find myself fearful of what I will do without them and reluctant to part with them, even though I know that if He is taking something out of my life it is only so that He can bring in something better.